NEVERMIND GODDAMN IT

I really hate it when my plans fail. Even if they fail for the better, I cannot stand that it didn't go through. It's not even the fact that my plans failed, it's mostly that I didnt make the right plan for the situation, and that the plan was wrong in the first place.. because if it was right, it would have gone through.




So now, I suppose you all will also understand why I didn't keep up with my challenge. GOD I HATE FAILING. But I guess it wasn't the right plan. I just don't think productivity is what I need right now. All of you might be thinking what in the actual fuck is wrong with this girl, she wasnt even doing that much with her life right now! 


But seriously.... I spend 10 months out of the year just...going. Being on. For literally 10 months, there is not one day of down time. Every single day, I am in a panic about what is due next or which test I will be giving priority to, and what procedure I better not mess up. I sleep less than 6 hours in the night, and sometimes, I feel guilty so I don't and just work tirelessly through the night to pump out the most damn-near perfect paper I can muster.

And what gets me is that I have many more years to go. Don't take it the wrong way. I know that there are millions before me who have done the same, if not better, and there will be millions who will come forth and probably supersede my efforts. I am not the bravest, I am just tired.

These two months have sort of been a blessing in disguise. I lost my job and deciding to be unemployed has been good for me. I spend a lot of time with friends I have ignored for a year, I have enjoyed the company of many good books, leisurely learning and a good amount of wine also. These are the things that are literally bringing my almost zombie-like soul back to life. I am having a ball being able to spend time talking to my dog.

I am short on money, beach babe abs, and reviewed information, but not on happiness. And I guess just being productive and worrying about yet another plan going through and reaching a goal is kind of irritating the hell out of me. School is already starting to creep up slowly and haunt me in my sleep.

So damn it all. I am just gonna be a ____please fill in mood of the day_____ girl for the rest of my days in temporary paradise!





Now here is a picture of a cute puppy to cheer you up because I am always being morbid, credited to this wonderful blog (which is secretly my happy place).